Superb Communication !!!

Superb Communication!!!

 

 

Programmer to Team Leader: 


"We can't do this proposed project. **CAN NOT**. It will involve a major

design change and no one in our team knows the design of this legacy system. 

And above that, nobody in our company knows the language in which this

application has been written. So even if somebody wants to work on it, they

can't. If you ask my personal opinion, the company should never take these 

type of projects."



Team Leader to Project Manager :

"This project will involve a design change. Currently, we don't have any

staff that has experience in this type of work. Also, the language is

unfamiliar to us, so we will have to arrange for some training if we take 

this project. In my personal opinion, we are not ready to take on a project

of this nature."



Project Manager to 1st Level Manager : 


"This project involves a design change in the system and we don't have much

experience in that area. Also, not many people in our company are 

appropriately trained for it. In my personal opinion, we might be able to do

the project but we would need more time than usual to complete it."




1st Level Manager to Senior Level Manager :

"This project involves design re-engineering. We have some people who have

worked in this area and others who know the implementation language. So they

can train other people. In my personal opinion we should take this project, 

but with caution."




Senior Level Manager to CEO :


"This project will demonstrate to the industry our capabilities in

remodeling the design of a complete legacy system. We have all the necessary

skills and people to execute this project successfully. Some people have

already given in house training in this area to other staff members. In my

personal opinion, we should not let this project slip by us under any

circumstances."





CEO to Client :


"This is the type of project in which our company specializes. We have

executed many projects of the same nature for many large clients. Trust me

when I say that we are the most competent firm in the industry for doing 

this kind of work. It is my personal opinion that we can execute this

project successfully and well within the given time frame. 

 

Appraisal Process....Good Read :-)

The Art of Appraisal

 
Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".
 
Kumar: What? How come 'average'?
 
Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.
 
Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.
 
Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.
 
Kumar: What???
 
Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.
 
Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.  
 
Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.
 
Kumar: Huh? *Confused*
 
Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.
 
Kumar: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?
 
Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.
 
Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*
 
Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.
 
Kumar: *head spinning*
 
Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.
 
Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.
 
Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.
 
Kumar: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?
 
Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.
 
Kumar: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.
 
Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.
 
Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?
 
Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.
 
Kumar: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?
 
Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!
 
Kumar: *faints* 
 

 

Good Creative Ad.

 

Yo-Yo "Champion"

Is it really this easy to fool everyone?

http://deadspin.com/5535220/fake-yo+yo-trickster-fools-every-tv-station-everywhere

 

 

Read till end - Superb..

 

Unicef award winning advertisements

 

Ultimate PJ's

Zindagi ne zindagi bhar gham diye..Zindagi ne zindagi bhr gham diye..
.
.
.
.
.
Aur hum aram se baith sake, isliye Bhagwan ne hume 'BUM' diye..

 

------------------------------------------------

Teri yado k teer mere dil mein chubhenge,

 

Teri yado k teer mere dil mein chubhenge,

 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

Agla station hai rajiv Chowk,

Darwaje daain or khulenge

 

 

------------------------------------------------

 

Tumhare bina hum kaise ji payenge........

 

Tumhare bina hum kaise ji payenge.......

.

.

.

.

.

Ayenge ayenge mere karan arjun ayenge.............

 

------------------------------------------------

Chor ne dhikaya daya ko chakuuuu,

 

Chor ne dhikaya daya ko chakuuuu

.

.

.

.

.

Are ke hua Anandi ke bapuuuuuuuu...

 

------------------------------------------------

Memabooba ke na aane se mehboob badhka,

 

Memabooba ke na aane se mehboob badhka,

.

.

.

.

.

Degii mirch ka tadka, ang ang fadka

------------------------------------------------

Tumse pyaar karte karte hamne kar diya crime....

 

Tumse pyaar karte karte hamne kar diya crime....

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

1 is neither composite nor prime"

------------------------------------------------

 

Romio ne juliet se kaha ek sach

.

Romio ne juliet se kaha ek sach...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.Asali masale sach sach

MDH.....MDH ...!

------------------------------------------------

A Sindhi boy fell in Love with Marwadi Girl.

Girl: Jab dad so jayenge to main gali me SIKKA (coin) fek dungi,

Tum turnt andr aa jana.

Lekin boy sikka fekne k 1 ghante baad aaya.

Girl: Itni der kyu laga di?...

Boy: Wo main sikka dhund raha tha!

Girl: Pagal wo to mene dhaaga baand ke feka tha,

Wapas khich liya.....

 

------------------------------------------------

 

Santa fell in the sea and while struggling to stay afloat caught a fish..

Santa throws the fish on land and says..

Oye tu to apni jaan bacha le...

------------------------------------------------

 

A.C. ka muqabla cooler kar nahi sakta.....

 

A.C. ka muqabla cooler kar nahi sakta...

 

bolo wah wah...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

ja simran ja is ladke se jyada pyar tujhe koi kar nahi sakta

------------------------------------------------

 

kisi ko na thi mere pyar ki khabar....

 

kisi ko na thi mere pyar ki khabar....

.

.

.

.

.

.

abey diagram galat ho gaya rubber de rubber"

------------------------------------------------

 

pet kharab hai golgappe kaise khaoge.....

 

pet kharab hai golgappe kaise khaoge.

 

say wah wah...

 

.

.

.

.

.

 

tum to thehre pardesi sath kya nibhaogeeeeeeeeeeee

 

------------------------------------------------

Mehgai ki iss daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo..

Mehgai ki iss daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo..

......

.

.

.

.

.

ek chutki sindoor ki kimat tum kya jano Ramesh babu...

------------------------------------------------

yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak....

yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak....

.

.

.

..

.

.Cameraman praful ke saath deepak chaurasia AAJ TAK..

------------------------------------------------

 

MBBS Students and Kamina Professor

First year students of MBBS were attending their first Anatomy class. They
all gathered around the surgery table with a real dead dog.

The Professor started class by telling two important qualities as a Doctor.
The first is that NEVER BE DISGUSTED FOR ANYTHING ABOUT BODY, e.g. he
inserted his finger in dog's ass hole & on drawing back tasted it in his own
mouth. Then he said them to do the same.

The students hesitated for several minutes but eventually everyone inserted
their fingers in dog's ass hole & then tasted it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said: The most
important 2nd quality is OBSERVATION, I inserted my Middle finger but tasted
the Index finger. Now learn to pay attention.

Moral: Life is tough but it's a lot tougher when you are not paying
attention.

EMPTY SEAT

A man had two great tickets for the Football Cup final. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
"No", he says, "the seat is empty".

"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the FA cup final, the biggest sporting event in the year, and not use it?"

He says, "well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married".

"Oh .. I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head... "No. They all are at the funeral".

Deadly PJs :)

Q1. RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ??

Ans - . TAILOR ( darzi )

Q2. SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI

Ans - . Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory)

Q3. Prasad ask's Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi
but goes directly to Tendulkar.? why ?? why ?? :-)

Ans:- Tendulkar is an opener

Q4. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie 'heart is umbrella'. Which
movie did he really want to see?

Ans:- Dil Chhata Hai!

Q5. Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?

Ans:- aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!

Q6. What will! u call a person who is leaving India ??
Socho...............

Ans:- Hindustan Lever (Leaver).

Q7. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha?

Ans:- adidas

Q8. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv falls
into the well. Why ?

Ans:- Because Luv is blind!!!!!

Now Kush also jumps inside. Why? OK lot's of head scratching done.

Ans:- Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!

Want one more...

Q9. Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?.. nahi pata..??

Ans:- D'Cold chain ki saans - D'cold

Q10. chalo ab batao... Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai ? this is quite
simple..

Ans:- D'Cold again kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi

Q11. Jugal Hansraj and Mayuri Kango bus stop par khade the. Bus aayi -
Mayuri gayi, magar Jugal nahin gaya - kyon?

Ans:- Because Mayuri 'can - go'.

Ek aur..

Q12. Sharukh Khan aur Kajol bus stop pe khade hain. Kajol chali gayi, par
Sharukh bus pe nahin chada - kyon?? think harder...

Ans:-Kyonke woh Kajol ko chorne aaya tha. Ha, ha, ha... 

  Ek aur muaka de hi dete hain tumhe

Q13. kamal ,vimal do bhai they,dono bus stop pe khade the.. bus aai vimal
chad jata hai per kamal nahin jata hai why???

Ans :- Kyonkieeeeee bus per likha tha ONLY VIMAL !!!!!

aur chhaiye...theek hai

Q15. Kadar Khan aur Shakti Kapoor dono bus stop pe khade the... bus aai aur
Kadar Khan chad jata hai per Shakti Kapoor nahin jata Qyo???

 

Ans :- Qyonkieeeeeee woh Shakti Kapoor dusri bus ke wait kar raha tha

aakhri sawaal ....

Q16. Amitabh aur Pran dono bus estop pe khade the...bus aai aur Pran chad
jata hai per Amitabh nahin jata Qyo???

Ans :- pran jaye per bacchan na jaye

Chalo last one ha !

Q17.Kapil Dev goes to Echo point and shouts loudly "Pamolive" But there dont
come any echo sound why ?

Ans:- Because Palmolive ka jawab nahi !!

 

 

Waqt nahin - The real fact of todays life

वक़्त   नहीं. हर  ख़ुशी  है  लोगों के दामन में , पर एक हंसी के लिए वक़्त नहीं. दिन रात दौड़ती दुनिया में, ज़िन्दगी के लिए ही वक़्त नहीं. माँ की लोरी का एहसास तो है, पर माँ को माँ कहने का वक़्त नहीं. सारे रिश्तों को तो हम मार चुके, अब उन्हें दफ़नाने का भी वक़्त नहीं. सारे नाम मोबाइल में हैं, पर दोस्ती के लिए वक़्त नहीं. गैरों की क्या बात करें, जब अपनों के लिए ही वक़्त नहीं. आँखों में है नींद बड़ी, पर सोने का वक़्त नहीं. दिल है ग़मों से भरा, पर रोने का भी वक़्त नहीं.   पैसों की दौड़ में ऐसे दौड़े, की थकने का भी वक़्त नहीं. पराये एहसासों की क्या कद्र करें, जब अपने सपनो के लिए ही वक़्त नहीं. तूही बता ए ज़िन्दगी, इस ज़िन्दगी का क्या होगा, की हर पल मरने वालों को, जीने के लिए भी वक़्त नहीं.........

Some things we can do to help environment

Friends,

Please find below some things we can do to help our environment. Please add to this list.

--Avoiding food wastage
--Keep all records in electronic form (avoid using paper / Xerox prints ). Photo albums can be stored and shared thru Picasa
--Buy things what you need (difficult due to house hold pressures)
--Use microwave (with timer) instead of gas .... healthy and consumes less energy
--Use ePaper if possible (wood consumption will reduce)
--Avoid plastic
--Use reflectors in lights ( wherever possible) .. uses less energy for the same light
--Use CFL lamps in house
--Harvest Rainwater & reuse – you can see the set up in my house
--Use energy efficient transportation (use electric scooty for short distance commute)
--Put a brick wrapped in plastic cover in each flush in your toilets.
--Walk as much as you can. Walk to nearby grocery.
--Be Vegetarian.
--work from home (avoid commute to office)
--Use telecom gadgets today at our disposal to the max and avoid travelling when you can. (Use webex for meetings etc)