Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Awesome ... :)
Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor
grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his
neighbours were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were
forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem
for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.
The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the
priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Sikh,
and raised a Sikh, but now dear, you are a Catholic."
Santa's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.
The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the
neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as
he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to
scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he
carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted:
"Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a
chicken, and you waz raised a lamb but now dears.... you are a potato
and tomato"!
General Motors REPLY TO BILL GATES
General Motors REPLY TO BILL GATES
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we
would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
Stating:
"If GM had developed technology like microsoft, we would all be driving
cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part, esp
7th point and 10'th point):
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to
buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You
would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows,
shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could
continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause
your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would
have to reinstall the engine. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was
powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy
to drive - but would ! run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all
be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation"
warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door
handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn
how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate
in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off. "
Never undervalue the manufacturing & automobile industries !!!
Monday, June 22, 2009
Your daily doze of laughter!!!!!!!!! [Men mostly]
WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKED FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE
This is the winner:-
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe “'Go to hell.”'
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts tequila, one part lime :) :) :) :)
Why Husbands like to remain silent
WIFE: 'What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: 'Definitely not!
WIFE: 'Why not? Don't you like being married?'
HUSBAND: 'Of course I do.
WIFE: 'Then why wouldn't you remarry?
HUSBAND: 'Okay, okay, I'd get married again.'
WIFE: 'You would?'
HUSBAND: .......?
WIFE: 'Would you live in our house?'
HUSBAND: 'Sure, it's a great house.'
WIFE: 'Would you sleep with her in our bed?'
HUSBAND: 'Where else would we sleep?'
WIFE: 'Would you let her drive my car?'
HUSBAND: 'Probably, it is almost new.'
WIFE: 'Would you replace my pictures with hers?'
HUSBAND: 'That would seem like the proper thing to do.'
WIFE: 'Would you give her my jewelry?'
HUSBAND: 'No, I'm sure she'd want her own.'
WIFE: 'Would she wear my shoes'
HUSBAND: 'No, her size 6.'
WIFE: -- silence -
HUSBAND: 'shit. 
Friday, June 5, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
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