Nationalising IPL

 18 things that will happen when the IPL is nationalised‏

1.     The new Commissioner of the IPL, replacing Lalit Modi, will be an IAS officer, 1989 batch, transferred  from the Food Corporation of India

 

2.     Mayawati will demand, however, that the new Chairman should be her own candidate, Mr Dalit Modi.

 

3.     The name of Mumbai Indians will immediately be changed to Mumbai Manus. It will, naturally, field only  Maharashtrians (preferably Maharshtrian Brahmins). All other players will have their legs broken. Zaheer Khan will have his house burned down. So will Irfan Pathan, Yusuf Pathan and Mohd Kaif.

 

4.     The Chennai Super Kings team will renamed Dravida Cricket Kazhagam. Subsequently one faction will break away and the team will split into DCK (DMK) and AIADCK, owing allegience to Karunanidhi and Jayalalitha respectively

 

5.     Each political party will have its own team: BJP Bandits, Congress Cobras, CPI  Cadres, Samajwadi Strikers, CPM Challengers, Trinamul Tigers etc

 

6.     Auction of players will be replaced by teams calling for tenders. The lowest priced players will be picked.

 

7.     Cheerleaders will be replaced by retired Air-India flight attendants

 

8.    Honourable ministers will give speeches during breaks in the match

 

9.     Sonia Gandhi will insist that 30% of each team should be reserved for be women

 

10.  Mayawati will demand that SC/ST players will need to run for only 18 yards instead of 22 yards between the wickets

 

11.   Third Umpire requests will have to be filled in triplicate and duly notarized

 

12.   All Third Umpire decisions will be referred to a Joint Parlimentary Commission.

 

13.   IPL tickets will henceforth be available at all post offices and BSNL centers from 10 a.m. to 12.45 p.m. The facility to purchase tickets on your cell-phone will immediately be withdrawn

 

14.   Replacing an injured foreign player can be done only through a Tatkal application submitted 48 hours after a Govt doctor examines him

 

15.   These new cheerleaders will perform the folk dances of the states they represent during breaks

 

16.   IPL matches will be shown only on Doordarshan. They will be telecast the day immediately following the match, from 4 a.m. to 7.30 a.m. subject to satellite link-up availability

 

17.   Between each  innings break Doordarshan will telecast the news in Hindi.

   

18.   The three stumps will be painted saffron, white and green.