Procedure to Select a Girl for Marrying

How guys select the girl they want to marry

 

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.

 

He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

 

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

 

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

 

The man is impressed.
 
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.

 

She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

 

Again, the man is impressed.

 

The third invests the money in the stock market.

 

She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.

 

She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

 

Obviously, the man was impressed.

 

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

 

Guess which lady he chose to marry?

 

Think like a man . . .

 

(scroll down for the answer)

 

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He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!

 

Men are Men.... Obviously!!!  :)

__,_._,___

A small song dedicated to Mr. Raju(Satyam)

Take tone of My name is Anthony Gonsalves from Amar Akbar Anthony and
sing this song.....................................................

My name is Ramalinga Raju
main Satyam ka Lootera (Thief) hoon
Khaate (Accounts) hai khaali, Balance sheets jaali (fake)
satyam employees ki bhi watt laga daali
..
jisko bhi yaad aaye, mujhe milne chala aaye
jisko bhi yaad aaye, mujhe milne chala aaye
..
Hyderabad police chowki, jholi(ssorry...kholi) number 420

ACCUSE ME PLEASE

abhi abhi jail ke andar ek company kholi hai, aji kholi hai,haan
haankholi
hai
investors ne bhi lagayi bad chad kar boli hai, haan boli hai, haan haan
boli hai
jailor bhi raazi, qaidi bhi raazi
Jab tak chalegi yeh jaalsaazi
.
.
jisko bhi yaad aaye, milke marne chala aaye
jisko bhi yaad aaye, milke marne chala aaye
.
.Hyderabad police chowki, jholi (ssorry...kholi) number 420

ACCUSE ME PLEASE

SOFTWARE ENGINEER AND HIS WIFE

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.

Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer

ME and MY BOSS !!

When I Take a long time to finish,

I am slow,

When my boss takes a long time,

he is thorough

 

When I don't do it,

I am lazy,

When my boss does not do it,

he is busy,

 

When I do something without being told,

I am trying to be smart,

When my boss does the same,

he takes the initiative,

 

When I please my boss,

I am apple polishing,

When my boss pleases his boss,

He is cooperating,

 

When I make a mistake,

I' am an idiot.

When my boss makes a mistake,

He's only human.

 

When I am out of the office,

I am wandering around.

When my boss is out of the office,

He's on business.

 

When I am on a day off sick,

I am always sick.

When my boss is a day off sick,

He must be very ill.

 

 

When I apply for leave,

I must be going for an interview .

When my boss applies for leave,

it's because he's overworked

 

 

When I do good,

my boss never remembers,

When I do wrong,

he never forgets

 

 

what to do?????????????

 

Good Joke

One fat guy goes to a popular GYM in Bangalore sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and
 ladders and tell him to wait a minute. He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying
 
 "If you catch me, I'm yours."
 
 He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes
 the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.
 
 He's back on the street and starts to think..
 "God, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..."
 So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."
 "No problem," says the manager.
 Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door
 when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign.
 
 "If I catch you, you're mine." 
 
 Pakistani, Bangladeshi and OUR Sardar are in a bar one night having a beer.
 The Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air,pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
 He says 'In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one
 twice.'
 The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
 He says 'In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either.'
 OUR Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Pakistani and
 Bangladeshi.
 He says 'In India we have so many Pakistanis and
 Bangladeshi that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice.'
 Balle balle !!!! 
 SINGH IS KING  
 
 

==============================================================================

Girls r intelligent

O ne day, a girl, 18yrs old, heard from her mother that if she will

do a regular prayer for 4 yrs, a divine "Devi" will come to her dreams &

give her 3 boons. So she decided to do it. She completed 4 yrs

successfully, doing prayer regularly.



Now it was a day for "Devi" to come. So she slept earlier with

thoughts in her mind to ask.



And, really a "Devi" came in her dream. Now this is the dialogue

between them.



Devi: O Girl, you prayed to me regularly for the past 4 yrs, so I am

very happy 4 that. I will complete any of your 3 wishes. You can ask

anything you like, but there is one condition.



Girl: Condition!, what is that?



Devi: You have a boy-friend?



Girl: Yes.



Devi: When you were doing a prayer, he was waiting for you, so he also

sacrificed same as you. Moreover, he didn't know anything about boon

and all, so he is also eligible for the boons. So whatever you will ask,

he will get 10 times more than that of you. If you are agreed, then

proceed for the 1st boon.



Girl: (After thinking for some time .. ): Yes, I am ready.



Girl: 1st, Make me 10 times richer than the richest person in the

world.



Devi: But your boy-friend will be 10 times richer than you.

Girl: It's OK.



Devi: Be as you wish!



Girl: 2nd, Make me 10 times more beautiful than the most beautiful

girl in the world.

Devi: But your boy-friend will be 10 times handsome than the most

handsome boy in the world.



Girl: It's OK.



Devi: Be as you wish.



Devi: Now the last boon remains.

Girl: O Devi, please give me a MILD HEART-ATTACK.

Devi: What? Are you sure!



Girl: Yes. Very sure!



Devi: Be as you wish.



Think friends,

what happened to her boy-friend, he got a severe heart-attack & died

at once, while the girl remained alive.   Thus, the girl became the

world's most  beautiful girl and the richest one, too.



Moral of the   story : So intelligent the girls are! Girls are really more

intelligent than we believe about them to be. So be careful boys!



Now, girls please stop reading ... boys continue till the end


>



>



>


HEY GUYS, don't worry, actually what happened is something different than

what you all think!



Actually, the girl's boy-friend got a heart-attack, 10 TIMES MILDER
than that of the girl. So the boy-friend lived longer than the girl, being

world's richest and the most handsome boy.



Moral of the story: Dear boys, the girls are not really that much

intelligent than what we believe them to be. So don't worry if you

think that you have girl-friend, intelligent than you. 

Jokes Sardarji

>>>1121. Sardarji waiting at a Bus stop. Larry came there by Scooter and 
 >>>asked: You want lift? Sardarji replied : No Thanks. My house is the 
 >>>ground floor!!!
 >>>
 
 >>>   1122. Larry: These days I have become Homosexual! Harry: What? Larry: 
 >>>Sex at home only!!!
 >>>
 >>>   1123. Ek raat power jaane baad Larry: Jaldi se fan calaao garmi hai! 
 
 >>>Harry: Kar di na Mangy baat, Fan on karenge to candle nahin bhuj jayegi?
 >>>
 >>>   1124. Harry: Why Condoms are better than Babies? Larry: Baby Food Rs 
 >>>1200, Diapers Rs 600, Feeding Bottle Rs 100, Doctor Rs 450, Medicine Rs 
 
 >>>1600, Teddy Bear Rs 250, Baby Powder Rs 120 Baby Shampoo, Soap, Oil etc  
 >>>Rs 500, Toys Rs 200, Baby Bed Rs 880 Miscellaneous Rs 100 Total Rs 6000 
 >>>per month! Or Daily Rs 3.30 Total Rs 99 per Month!! The Coice is yours!!!
 
 >>>
 >>>   1125. Larry to Sexy Waitress: whats your Name? Sexy Waitress: Omega! 
 >>>Larry: Lovely name. Any relation to the watch? Sexy Waitress: Yes Sir. 
 >>>Same price but different Movements!!!
 
 >>>
 >>>   1126. Girl: what do you like in me? Larry: That two white balls having 
 >>>black dots! Girl: What? You are with me for that? Larry: Yes I like your 
 >>>Eyes!!!
 >>>
 
 >>>   1127. Larry raises his bat on 35 runs! Harry asks him its not 50 nor 
 >>>100!! Larry: Only a Graduate can understand the importnace of 35 !!!
 >>>
 >>>   1128. Harry: Why people like sms? Larry: Text messages or sms are like 
 
 >>>blow job from an amateur prostitute, short sweet and cheap!!!
 >>>
 >>>   1129. Ladki: Arey itna bada, Muh me kaise lungi? Larry: Jaldi muh me 
 >>>lo! Ladki: Oh ho! Sare kapde gile hogaye!! Larry: Aur logi kya? Ladki: Na 
 
 >>>baba ye Panipuri tum hi khao!!!
 >>>
 >>>   1130. Fr Larry was visiting the parish school: Write your father's 
 >>>name in English. Sardar: Beautiful Red Underwear! Fr Larry: Are you 
 
 >>>joking? Sardar: No his name is Sunder Lal Chaddi !!!
 
 

Too good.... have a fun....

7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai.So  both groups gather at Pune Station.
 
Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority.
 
 
SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI):
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -
7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..
Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......
When TC arrives,
All 7 Engineers get in one toilet so when TC knocks, one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes
 
Away....
 
NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct Train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE
 
 

 
SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA):
---------------------------------- ------------------------------------------- -----------  
Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equal"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..
 
TC arrives....
 
ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE.
 
One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the
ticket and comes in Engg. Bathroo! m... TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are   heavily fined.
 

 
SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA): !
-----------------------------------------
SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the loc al to Pune.
 
This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick.
 
ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time...
SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets ................... ....
 
Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train...........
 
 
 
Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are geniuses, don't mess with Engineers

Good scenes from India..

Have al look on the pictures in the link below..

 

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2008/09/scenes_from_india.html

At UN Assembly

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the
United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile.

A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to
tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir
is
named.

When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a
good opportunity to have a bath.'

He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the
water.

When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A
Pakistani had stolen them.'

The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What
are
you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then.'

The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made
that clear, I will begin my speech.'

What your birth month means...

What your Birth month means

JANUARY 1. Ambitious and serious 2. Loves to teach and be taught 3. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses 4. Likes to criticize 5. Hardworking and productive 6. Smart, neat and organised 7. Sensitive and has deep thoughts 8. Knows how to make others happy 9. Quiet unless excited or tensed 10. Rather reserved 11. Highly attentive 12. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds 13. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love 14. Loves children 15. Homely person 16. Loyal 17. Needs to improve social abilities 18. Easily jealous	FEBRUARY 1. Abstract thoughts 2. Loves reality and abstract 3. Intelligent and clever 4. Changing personality 5. Temperamental 6. Quiet, shy and humble 7. Low self esteem 8. Honest and loyal 9. Determined to reach goals 10. Loves freedom 11. Rebellious when restricted 12. Loves aggressiveness 13. Too sensitive and easily hurt 14. Showing anger easily 15. Dislike unnecessary things 16. Loves making friends but rarely shows it 17. Daring and stubborn 18. Ambitious 19. Realising dreams and hopes 20. Sharp 21. Loves entertainment and leisure 22. Romantic on the inside not outside 23. Supersticious and ludicrous 24. Spendthrift 25. Learns to show emotions	MARCH 1. Attractive personality 2. Affectionate 3. Shy and reserved 4. Secretive 5. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic 6. Loves peace and serenity 7. Sensitive to others 8. Loves to serve others 9. Not easily angered 10. Trustworthy 11. Appreciative and returns kindness 12. Observant and assess others 13. Revengeful 14. Loves to dream and fantasize 15. Loves travelling 16. Loves attention 17. Hasty decisions in choosing partners 18. Loves home decors 19. Musically talented 20. Loves special things 21. Moody
APRIL 1. Active and dynamic 2. Decisive and hasteful but tends to regret 3. Attractive and affectionate to oneself 4. Strong mentality 5. Loves attention 6. Diplomatic 7. Consoling 8. Friendly and solves people's problems 9. Brave and fearless 10. Adventurous 11. Loving and caring 12. Suave and generous 13. Emotional 14. Revengeful 15. Agressive 16. Hasty 17. Good memory 18. Moving 19. Motivate oneself and the others 20. Sickness usually of the head and chest 21. Easily get too jealous	MAY 1. Stubborn and hard-hearted 2. Strong-willed and highly motivated 3. Sharp thoughts 4. Easily angered 5. Attracts others and loves attention 6. Deep feelings 7. Beautiful physically and mentally 8. Firm standpoint 9. Easily influenced 10. Needs no motivation 11. Easily consoled 12. Systematic (left brain) 13. Loves to dream 14. Strong clairvoyance 15. Understanding 16. Sickness usually in the ear and neck 17. Good imagination 18. Good debating skills 19. Good physical 20. Weak breathing 21. Loves literature and the arts 22. Loves travelling 23. Dislike being at home 24. Restless 25. Hardworking 26. High spirited 27. Spendthrift	JUNE 1. Thinks far with vision 2. Easily influenced by kindness 3. Polite and soft-spoken 4. Having lots of ideas 5. Sensitive 6. Active mind 7. Hesitating 8. Tends to delay 9. Choosy and always wants the best 10. Temperamental 11. Funny and humorous 12. Loves to joke 13. Good debating skills 14. Talkative 15. Daydreamer 16. Friendly 17. Knows how to make friends 18. Abiding 19. Able to show character 20. Easily hurt 21. Prone to getting colds 22. Loves to dress up 23. Easily bored 24. Fussy 25. Seldom show emotions 26. Takes time to recover when hurt 27. Brand conscious 28. Executive 29. Stubborn 30. Those who loves me are enemies 31. Those who hates me are friends
JULY 1. Fun to be with 2. Secretive 3. Difficult to fathom and to be understood 4. Quiet unless excited or tensed 5. Takes pride in oneself 6. Has reputation 7. Easily consoled 8. Honest 9. Concern about people's feelings 10. Tactful 11. Friendly 12. Approachable 13. Very emotional 14. Tempramental and unpredictable 15. Moody and easily hurt 16. Witty and sarky 17. Sentimental 18. Not revengeful 19. Forgiving but never forgets 20. Dislike nonsensical and unnecessary things 21. Guides others physically and mentally 22. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully 23. Caring and loving 24. Treats others equally 25. Strong sense of sympathy 26. Wary and sharp 27. Judge people through observations 28. Hardworking 29. No difficulties in studying 30. Loves to be alone! 31. Always broods about the past and the old friends 32. Likes to be quiet 33. Homely! person 34. Waits for friends 35. Never looks for friends 36. Not aggressive unless provoked 37. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems 38. Loves to be loved 39. Easily hurt but takes long to recover 40. Overly concerned 41. Puts in effort in work	AUGUST 1. Loves to joke 2. Attractive 3. Suave and caring 4. Brave and fearless 5. Firm and has leadership qualities 6. Knows how to console others 7. Too generous and egoistic 8. Taked high pride of oneself 9. Thirsty for praises 10. Extraodinary spirit 11. Easily angered 12. Angry when provoked 13. Easily jealous 14. Observant 15. Careful and cautious 16. Thinks quickly 17. Independent thoughts 18. Loves to lead and to be led 19. Loves to dream 20. Talented in the arts, music and defence 21. Sensitive but not petty 22. Poor resistance against illnesses 23. Learns to relax 24. Hasty and rushy 25. Romantic 26. Loving and caring 27. Loves to make friends	SEPTEMBER 1. Suave and compromising 2. Careful, cautious and organised 3. Likes to point out people's mistakes 4. Likes to criticize 5. Quiet but able to talk well 6. Calm and cool 7. Kind and sympathetic 8. Concerned and detailed 9. Trustworthy, loyal and honest 10. Does work well 11. Sensitive 12. Thinking 13. Good memory 14. Clever and knowledgeable 15. Loves to look for information 16. Must control oneself when criticising 17. Able to motivate oneself 18. Understanding 19. Secretive 20. Loves sports, leisure and travelling 21. Hardly shows emotions 22. Tends to bottle up feelings 23. Choosy especially in relationships 24. Loves wide things 25. Systematic
OCTOBER 1. Loves to chat 2. Loves those who loves him 3. Loves to takes things at the centre 4. Attractive and suave 5. Inner and physical beauty 6. Does not lie or pretend 7. Sympathetic 8. Treats friends importantly 9. Always making friends 10. Easily hurt but recovers easily 11. Bad tempered 12. Selfish 13. Seldom helps unless asked 14. Daydreamer 15. Very opinionated 16. Does not care of what others think 17. Emotional 18. Decisive 19. Strong clairvoyance 20. Loves to travel, the arts and literature 21. Soft-spoken, loving and caring 22. Romantic 23. Touchy and easily jealous 24. Concerned 25. Loves outdoors 26. Just and fair 27. Spendthrift and easily influenced 28. Easily lose confidence	NOVEMBER 1. Has a lot of ideas 2. Difficult to fathom 3. Thinks forward 4. Unique and brilliant 5. Extraodinary ideas 6. Sharp thinking 7. Fine and strong clairvoyance 8. Can become good doctors 9. Careful and cautious 10. Dynamic in personality 11. Secretive 12. Inquisitive 13. Knows how to dig secrets 14. Always thinking 15. Less talkative but amiable 16. Brave and generous 17. Patient 18. Stubborn and hard-hearted 19. If there is a will, there is a way 20. Determined 21. Never give up 22. Hardly become angry unless provoked 23. Loves to be alone 24. Thinks differently from others 25. Sharp-minded 26. Motivates oneself 27. Does not appreciates praises 28. High-spirited 29. Well-built and tough 30. Deep love and emotions 31. Romantic 32. U! ncertain in relationships 33. Homely 34. Hardworking 35. High abilities 36. Trustworhty 37. Honest and keeps secrets 38. Not ! able to control emotions 39. Unpredictable	DECEMBER 1. Loyal and generous 2. Patriotic 3. Active in games and interactions 4. Impatient and hasty 5. Ambitious 6. Influential in organisations 7. Fun to be with 8. Loves to socialise 9. Loves praises 10. Loves attention 11. Loves to be loved 12. Honest and trustworthy 13. Not pretending 14. Short tempered 15. Changing personality 16. Not egoistic 17. Takes high pride in oneself 18. Hates restrictions 19. Loves to joke 20. Good sense of humor 21. Logical

First-year students at Texas

First-year students at TexasA & M's Vet school were attending their first Anatomy class, with a real dead pig. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a White sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, 'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a Doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the Animal body'. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, touched his finger in the mouth of the dead pig, withdrew it and put his Finger in his mouth. 'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns putting their finger in the mouth of the dead pig and tasted in their mouth. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, 'The Second most important quality is "observation". I touched with my middle Finger and tasted on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention… ..... Moral: "Life is tough, but it's a lot tougher when you're stupid" - John Wayne T

Ordering a Pizza in 2020

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut." 
 Customer: "Haloo, can I order ." 
   
 Operator: "Can I have your multi purpose Smart Card 
 number, Sir?" 
 Customer: "It's eh..., hold on .... 6102049998-45- 54610" 
   
 Operator: "OK ... you're .. Mr Perera and you're calling from 
 Dhehiwela. Perera. Your home number is 4123456, your office 
 76543210 and your mobile is 077 1234567. " 
 Customer: "How did you get all my phone numbers?" 
   
 Operator: "We are connected to the Main CRM system Sir" 
 Customer: "I want Seafood Pizza .." 
   
 Operator: "That's not a good idea Sir" 
 Customer: "Why?????!" 
   
 Operator: "According to your medical records, you have high blood 
 pressure and an even higher cholesterol level Sir" 
 Customer: "What? ... What do you recommend then?" 
   
 Operator: "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it" 
 Customer: "How do you know I will like it?" 
   
 Operator: "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" 
 from the National Library last week Sir" 
 Customer: "OK, I give up .. Give me three family sized ones then. 
 How much will that cost? 
   
 Operator: "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The 
 total is Rs.985/-" 
 Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?" 
   
 Operator: "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is 
 over the limit and you're owing your bank Rs.13,929.55 since October 
 last year" "That's not including the late payment charges on your 
 housing loan Sir. 
 Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and 
 withdraw some cash before your guy arrives" 
   
 Operator: "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your 
 daily limit on machine withdrawal today" 
 Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. 
 How long is it gonna take anyway?" 
   
 Operator: "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always 
 come and collect it by your motorcycle.. " 
 Customer: " What???????? !" 
   
 Operator: "According to the details in system, you own a Scooter,... 
 registration number BE1123 " 
 Customer: "*'!^ *#?@%^**%^I7*" 
   
 Operator: "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 
 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language at a policeman 
 Customer: [Speechless] 
   
 Operator: "Is there anything else Sir?" 
 Customer: "Nothing ... by the way .. aren't you giving me that 3 Free 
 bottles of cola as advertised?" 
   
 Operator: "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're 
 also a diabetic ..... " 
 Customer: ?......?... ..?...*.. *.....??. .* . **.......... ?**. *???. 
 
 

Funny conversation

 

> Doctor to sardar patient: Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai.

> 

> Sardar : Doctor saheb Pehle se jyada kharab ho gayi hai.

> 

> Doctor : dawai khali thi kya?

> 

> Sardar : Nai doctor saheb. dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.

> 

> Doctor : Are Sardar ji mere kehne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi

kya.

> 

> Sardar : Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur maine le li thi.

> 

> Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi kya?

> 

> Sardar : Oho, nai doctor saheb dawai to lal thi.

> 

> Doctor : Abe GADHE, Dawai ko peeliya tha kya?

> 

> Sardar : Nai. Doctor, Peeliya to mujhe tha.

> 

> Doctor( in frustration) : Abe teri to, Dawai ko muh lagakar Pet me

> dala

tha

> ki nai?

> 

> Sardar : Nai doctor saheb.

> 

> Doctor : Kyon?

> 

> Sardar : Kyonki dhakkan band tha.

> 

> Doctor : Teri sale, to Khola kyon nai.

> 

> Sardar : Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band

rakhna.

> 

> Doctor : Tera ilaz main nai kar sakta.!

> 

> Sardar : Accha Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main thik kaise hounga

> 

> 

> Doctor : Abe teri... @#$! ^&*!

> 

 

Family problems

 

Family problems?
 
Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.


The Indian man said to the American,"You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.


We call this arranged marriage.I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."

The American said, " Talking about love marriages?... I'll tell you my story.


I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.


"After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.


My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.


More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son I.e. My brother is my grandson.


Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

And you say YOU have family problems? No my friend you are in the comfort zone! ! !

TYPICAL CONVERSATION b/w Lovers

THIS IS A TYPICAL CONVERSATION b/w Lovers

Note: Conversation ke beech, within brackets jo hai, woh.. ladka apne aap se keh raha hai

She Gives a missed call to him....and he calls her back..

She: Hello!

He: (are yaar...pata nahi aaj kya bore karegi ) Hi ...kya baat hai..?

She: kuch nahi...bas aise hi phone kiya...

He: ( Call kaha kiya?.. khali missed call to diya hai... ) oh...ok ..kya kar
rahi thi meri jaanu??

She: abhi abhi dinner khatam kiya...tum kya kar rahe the?

He: mera bhi abhi abhi dinner khatam hua.. ab...."Ladki Kyon Najaane Kyon"
sun raha hu FM par....

She: nice song..

(And then she hums a line from the song "Hum Tum")


He: ( Saala waha koi chipkali 'kich kich' kar rahi hai kya .... ) hey!!!! tum
itni achchi gaati ho? mujhe pata hi nahi tha

She: *giggles*

He: Hey ek aur baar gaao na pls!

She: yaha sab so rahe hai...agar main gaaongi to sab uth jaaenge..

He: ( Correct...woh yeh samjhenge ki koi bhootni hai  ... ) Come on! Please!

She: hat ...I don't sing that well

He: (yeh to saari duniya ko pata hai... :-)) It was really sweet. Please
gaao na dear

She: mujhe kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai jaan

He: aisa kuch bhi nahi hai jaanu...gaao na

She: tumhi keh sakte ho...

He: (mai? saala mere ko doosra raasta nahi hai....is liye bola) abhi tum
gaaogi ya nahi?

She: kyun pareshaan kar rahe ho?

He: Sigh! Ok

She: I don't have that great a voice

He: ( saala gadha bhi sharma jaaye teri awaaz sunke.. ) hmmmm

She: theek hai... jab itni zid kar rahe ho... sirf ek stanza gaaungi theek
hai??

He: ( aur kya kya jhelna padega malum nahi.. ) Great!!!!

She: kaunsa gaana gaau ?

He: ( tum kuch bhi gaao...meri to aaj neend haraam hai.. )Hmmmm. 'Mahiya'
from Awarapan?

She: Nice song. But mujhe lyrics yaad nahi hai

He: ( Text book chodke tujhe aur kya pata hai bol... ) Dhoom Machale?

She: Nahi main wohi gaana gaaungi
He: ( Tum koi bhi gaana gaao....mere kaan to pakne waale hai ) Cool


(She clears her throat, hums a line and then)


She: Nahi jaan. I am feeling very shy!

He: Gaao na...pls gaao na....teri awaaz ki samundar me main doob jaana
chahta hoon

She: dekho...ab tum mujhe naaraaz kar rahe ho

He: ( Maalum pada na  ... phir.: ) )No no. Tum shy feel kar rahi ho
na....is liye... Trying to make u cool

She: Hmmm

He: please gaao na darling

She: main kal gaau?

He: ( Haaaaa...jaan bachi... Phut leta hoon... ) theek hai jaisi tumhaari
merzi

She: Hmmm

He: Good night

She: Good night

She: Sweet Dreams.. Take care...

He: Sweets dreams to u too...


After a while She calls Him (sorry...that never happens, she gives only a
missed call)......


She: Hey..so gaye the kya?

He: ( nahi...current ka aavishkaar kar raha tha... ) nahi jaan.

She: kya kar rahe ho?

He: ( raat ko kya gili danda khelna hai... ) Match dekh raha tha

She: theek hai tum match dekho

He: ( us wakt se main kya bhajiya tal raha tha... ) Hey it's ok... purani
match hai.

She: Did u feel bad I didn't sing?


(Since it is a tricky question, He thinks for a while)


He: (Bad ah? this was the luckiest day in my life, since you didn't sing) Bad toh main nahi keh raha jaanu. But I want you to be comfortable.
First.... tumhi ne bola ki main kal gaaungi..... So, me waiting..
(maine to socha tha ki aaj bachgaya....dhat teriki :-()


She sings 1 stanza from the song

'Jiski aankhon me meri hi nami.....'


He: Wow. Too good!

She: jhoot....mujhe maloom hai ki meri awaaz itni achchi nahi hai

He: ( shukr hai self realization hai... :-)... ) nahi darling you really
sing well.

She: nahi..mujhe maloom hai tum bas aise hi keh rahe ho

He: ( very good.. aakhir tumne pata laga hi liya..... ) Che! Che! teri voice
agar itni buri hoti to main ab tak na sun raha hota

She: Hmmmm...theek hai. good night.. ab tum bhi so jaao..

He: ( tera gaana sunne ke baad neend kaise aayegi.. ) Good night!

She: Take care

He: You too

She: Hey....

He: ( are yaar..aaj ye nahi chodegi ) kya hai sweety? .

She: sach bataao honey..meri voice achchi hai ya nahi...

He: ( tu apni voice khud record karke sun kyon nahi leti ek baar )
sachchi... Of course.

She: sirf jhoot

He: ( iski toh... agar ab mujhe sone nahi diya toh...... ) Not at all. You
sing very well

She: Hmmm.... tum keh rahe ho to theek hi hoga. Good night.

He:Good night.