Tuesday, April 28, 2009
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45 Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Women
1. You can enjoy a beer all month long.
2. You don't have to wine and dine a beer.
3. Beer stains wash out.
4. Beer doesn't have to get a new dress for a party.
5. Beer never has a headache.
6. When a beer goes flat, you just toss it out.
7. Beer is never late.
8. Beer doesn't have a birthday for you to forget.
9. Beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
10. Beer doesn't argue with you about when to drink it.
ll. You always know that you are the first one to pop a beer.
l2. Beer doesn't get upset when you come home and decide to have
another beer.
13. Beer never threatens to go to a lawyer.
14. Beer labels come off without a fight.
15. A beer always goes down easy.
16. You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.
17. No court has ever granted a beer alimony payments.
18. You can share a beer with your friends.
19. After you have had a beer, the bottle is still worth something.
20. Hangovers go away.
21. Beers never require expensive permanent and hair tints.
22. Beer is always wet.
23. If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
25. If you pour your beer right, you'll always get a good head.
26. Beer can be easily eliminated.
27. Beer is only stopping by, it doesn't stay around and nag.
28. Beer doesn't demand equality.
29. A frigid beer is a good beer.
30. You don't have to take expensive flowers home to your beer.
31. Beer never complains about when you come for it.
32. You don't have to take your beer to a psychiatrist to get it to
bubble.
33. You can have a beer in public.
34. You can see through a beer and you know what you are getting.
35. When your beer gets upset, it settles down.
36. Beer is subject to quality control and doesn't argue about it.
37. Beer doesn't talk back to you and ask a lot of silly questions.
38. Beer doesn't ask you to take a lie detector test about when you had
the
last one.
39. Beer doesn't have a Mother that goes with it.
40. If you drop a beer, there is no doctor bill.
41. Beer doesn't have anniversaries for you to forget.
42. Beer doesn't demand that you take it dancing before you can have
it.
43. Beer doesn't have relatives that stop by and stay for weeks.
44. When you buy a beer, you own it.
45. Beer never cries or gets jealous.
2. You don't have to wine and dine a beer.
3. Beer stains wash out.
4. Beer doesn't have to get a new dress for a party.
5. Beer never has a headache.
6. When a beer goes flat, you just toss it out.
7. Beer is never late.
8. Beer doesn't have a birthday for you to forget.
9. Beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
10. Beer doesn't argue with you about when to drink it.
ll. You always know that you are the first one to pop a beer.
l2. Beer doesn't get upset when you come home and decide to have
another beer.
13. Beer never threatens to go to a lawyer.
14. Beer labels come off without a fight.
15. A beer always goes down easy.
16. You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.
17. No court has ever granted a beer alimony payments.
18. You can share a beer with your friends.
19. After you have had a beer, the bottle is still worth something.
20. Hangovers go away.
21. Beers never require expensive permanent and hair tints.
22. Beer is always wet.
23. If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
25. If you pour your beer right, you'll always get a good head.
26. Beer can be easily eliminated.
27. Beer is only stopping by, it doesn't stay around and nag.
28. Beer doesn't demand equality.
29. A frigid beer is a good beer.
30. You don't have to take expensive flowers home to your beer.
31. Beer never complains about when you come for it.
32. You don't have to take your beer to a psychiatrist to get it to
bubble.
33. You can have a beer in public.
34. You can see through a beer and you know what you are getting.
35. When your beer gets upset, it settles down.
36. Beer is subject to quality control and doesn't argue about it.
37. Beer doesn't talk back to you and ask a lot of silly questions.
38. Beer doesn't ask you to take a lie detector test about when you had
the
last one.
39. Beer doesn't have a Mother that goes with it.
40. If you drop a beer, there is no doctor bill.
41. Beer doesn't have anniversaries for you to forget.
42. Beer doesn't demand that you take it dancing before you can have
it.
43. Beer doesn't have relatives that stop by and stay for weeks.
44. When you buy a beer, you own it.
45. Beer never cries or gets jealous.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Read this..too good
Not every time husbands are at fault J Good read..!!
A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The Mrs. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. Being a devoted husband, he protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party. Since her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went and had a quickie.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said: 'Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.'
- 'Did you dance much?'
- 'I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to....'
Politics
welcome to the politics...
Once president BUSH went to a school. After having a brief talk with the children he asked them if they had any questions to ask him.
One boy raised his hand and stood up.
Bush: what's your name?
John: john
Bush: what's your question?
John: sir I have three questions
1) Why did
2) Where is Osama?
3) Why do
Bush: you are an intelligent student john... (Just then the bell for
recess rang).
Oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over.
After the recess
Bush: ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any
question?
Peter raises his hand
Bush: What's your name?
Peter: sir I have 5 questions.
1) Why did
2) Where is Osama?
3) Why do
4) Why did recess bell rang 20 mins before the scheduled time?
5) Where is JOHN?
This is Politics... !!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I bet no one misses an onsite stint as much as this poor soul - Rated 8.5/10
The pressure was heavy, the schedule was tight,
Slogged like a dog, coded with all might,
Worked through the day, sat late in the night,
But for me, there is no onsite in sight...
She meets me for coffee, she catches up for a bite,
As I write this stupid poem, she is packing for her third long flight,
What did I do wrong, that she did right?
Why for me, there is no onsite in sight...
Want to climb the Eiffel, see Paris from that height,
Want to see the felled Berlin wall sipping beer light,
Want to bet that dollar as I see Vegas by the night,
Unfortunately for me, there is no onsite in sight...
Talked to my boss, with her I had a fight,
But she earns too much to understand my plight,
Now I don't work that hard, I take it light,
Because for me, there is no onsite in sight...
The future is dark, it ain't bright,
Life is routine, office bus I will board and alight,
Stay offshore and code byte by byte,
For me, there is no onsite in sight...
To all Sachin Fans
To all those who idolize the genius named “SACHIN TENDULKAR”!!!
@Hashim Amla
"Nothing bad can happen to us if we're on a plane in India with Sachin
Tendulkar on it."
Hashim Amla, the South African batsman, reassures himself as he boards a
flight
@yaseer hameed
"Sometimes you get so engrossed in watching batsmen like Rahul Dravid and
Sachin Tendulkar that you lose focus on your job."
"To Sachin, the man we all want to be"
- What Andrew Symonds wrote on an aussie t-shirt he autographed specially
for Sachin
Beneath the helmet, under that unruly curly hair, inside the cranium, there
is something we don't know, something beyond scientific measure. Something
that allows him to soar, to roam a territory of sport that, forget us, even
those who are gifted enough to play alongside him cannot even fathom. When
he goes out to bat, people switch on their TV sets and switch off their
lives "
BBC on Sachin
But the finest compliment must be that bookmakers would not fix the odds -
or a game - until Tendulkar was out.
"Tuzhe pata hai tune kiska catch chhoda hai?"
"Tuzhe pata hai tune kiska catch chhoda hai?" Wasim Akram to Abdul Razzaq
when the latter dropped Sachin's catch.
@Brian Charles Lara again
Sachin is a genius. I'm a mere mortal.
Mark Taylor
"We did not lose to a team called India...we lost to a man called Sachin" -
Mark Taylor, during the test match in Chennai (1997)
@M. L. Jaisimha:
"The more I see of him the more confused I'm getting to which is his best
knock."
@McGrath
"The joy he brings to the millions of his countrymen, the grace with which
he handles all the adulation and the expectations and his innate humility -
all make for a one-in-a-billion individual,"
@Wife Anjali
"I can be hundred per cent sure that Sachin will not play for a minute
longer when he is not enjoying himself. He is still so eager to go out
there and play. He will play as long as he feels he can play,"
by HAYDEN - i feel is the best SACHIN QUOTE
he said
"I HAVE SEEN GOD, HE BATS AT NO.4 FOR INDIA"
"Even my father's name is Sachin Tendulkar."
Tendulkar's daughter, Sara, tells her class her father's name after the
teacher informs them of a restaurant of the same name in Mumbai
KUMBLE : I am fortunate that I've to bowl at him only in the nets!
@ shahrukh
quoting Shahrukh from an interview
Que: Who do you think as most important celebrity ?
Shahrukh: There was a big party where stars from bollywood and cricket were
invited. Suddenly, there was a big noise, all wanted to see approaching
Amitabh Bachhan.
Then Sachin entered the hall and Amitabh was leading the queue to get a
grab
of the GENIUS!!
@Navjot Singh Sidhu
India me aap PrimeMinister ko ek Baar Katghare me khada kar sakte hain..Par
Sachin Tendulkar par Ungli nahi utha Sakte..
@waqar younis
He can play that leg glance with a walking stick also .
A banner once said-' I WILL SEE GOD WHEN I DIE BUT TILL THEN I WILL SEE
SACHIN ' that quiet defines Sachin-The greatest.
Sachin Tendulkar has often reminded me of a veteran army colonel who has
many medals on his chest to show how he has conquered bowlers all over the
world -- Allan Donald
And i remember reading in one of Allan Donald's interview. This interview
was in Cricket Talk
and 7-8 yrs ago.
I was bowling to Sachin and he hit me for two fours in a row. One from
point
and the other
in between point and gully. That was the last two balls of the over and the
over after that
we (SA) took a wicket and during the group meeting i told Jonty (Rhodes) to
be alert and i
know a way to pin Sachin. And i delivered the first ball of my next over
and
it was a
fuller length delevery outside offstump. And i shouted catch. To my
astonishment the ball
was hit to the cover boundary. Such was the brilliance of Sachin. His
reflex
time is the best
i have ever seen. Its like 1/20th of a sec. To get his wicket better not
prepare. Atleast
u wont regret if he hits you for boundaries.
Peter Rebouck - aussie journalist
On a train from Shimla to Delhi, there was a halt in one of the stations.
The train stopped by for few minutes as usual.
Sachin was nearing century, batting on 98. The passengers, railway
officials, everyone on the train waited for Sachin to complete the century.
This Genius can stop time in India!!
NKP Salve, former Union Minister
This was when he was accused of ball tempering
"Sachin cannot cheat. He is to cricket what (Mahatma) Gandhiji was to
politics. It's clear discrimination."
Andy Flower:
There are 2 kind of batsmen in the world. One Sachin Tendulkar. Two all the
others.
New Pj's
Teacher: 'A' for?
Student: Apple !!!
Teacher: Jor Se Bolo
Student: JAI MATA DI
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Once upon a time, Sada and Ada, visited a coal mine to find some diamonds.
Sada takes a right and Ada turns left.
Sada has only a shovel, but Ada had sophisticated diamond mining tools.
Yet, Sada finds a diamond but Ada doesn't (even after digging for 10 kms) !!!
Why ??
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Kyonki...Hira hai Sada ke liye!!!
Ram ne Sita se Vivaah kiya,
Ravan ne Sita ka Apaharan kiya,
Hanuman ne Sita ko Bachaya,
To ab ye Batao ki Vastav mein Hero Kaun Hai?
. . . . . . . . . . .
Scroll down for the answer
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Sanjay Dutt !!! :-)
SAWAL theek se padho !
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Ek baar ek aadmi ek auto mein baithta hai aur ghar le jaane ko bolta hai..
Autowala, yeh dekhkar ki aadmi sheher mein naya hai, bahut ghuma phira ke le jaata hai aur bahut charge kar deta hai.
Ghar pahunchte pahunchte bahut der ho jaati hai aur andhera ho jaata hai.
Aadmi pehle se hi bahut frustrated hai aur ghar jaake dekhta hai ki bijli nahi hai.
Par aadmi ko sab kuch saaf saaf dikhayee deta hai.
Kaise???
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Kyonki autowala aadmi ko ULLOO bana deta hai aur usko raat ko sab kuch saaf saaf dikhta hai.
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Ek baar ek aadmi ne badi tapasya ki.
shivji khush .
Prakat hue ...
bole ...
.
puttar maang ...
maang kya chahiye tujhey !
bakth utha ...
bole shivji ...
mujhey to aap sirf ek guitar de do !
shivji bole kaisa gadha hai ?
unhone kaha ... puttar ...
tuney badi achchi tapsya ki hai ...
kuch bada maang !
.
wo fir bola ... nahi ji ..mujhey to aap guitar hi do
shivji ne phir samajhaya .. abey .. kuch dhang ka maang ...!
par wo to ada hi hua tha ... bola nahi ... aap to mujhey guitar hi do !
shivji usey bade pyaar se khopch me lekar samjhane lage ...
bole ..yaar tu
kuch aur maang .. guitar
na maang ...
wo bola ... nahi nahi nahi !! mujhey sirf guitar hi chahiye
... ab
shivji gussey main aa gaye ... boley ,(scroll down)
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saale .. agar guitar mere paas hota to main ye damaru kyo
bajata :)
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1) Smoking
2) Drinking
3) Charas
4) Ganja
5) Chicken
6) Mutton
7) Oily food
8) Masala
9) Sleep & obesity
10) Pollution
= Heart Attack
Matlab
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scroll down
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DUS bahane karke le gaye DIL !!
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Do you know why the name of Madras was replaced by
Chennai???
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Think......
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Think..
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Bit more.......
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Because...a Madrassi wears lungi and there is no zip means
chen..nai...
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What's this?
.
AnekTA me ekTA
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Ek baar Chunnu class main baitha hota hai aur Masterji usse sawal poochte hain.
"India ke Capital ka Naam Batao?"
Chunnu bahut sochta hai, bahut sochta hai, aur jab thak jata hai to bolta hai.
"Masterji Nahin Pata"
Masterji gusse se laal peele ho jate hain aur Chunnu ko class se bahar nikaal dete hain.
Chunnu chalta chalta pricipal ke office ke samne se gujarta hai to principal use dekh leta hai aur poochta hai ki baahar kyon ghoom raha hai. Chunnu batata hai ki masterji ne India ka capital nahin batane ke liye class se nikaal diya.
Principal ko bhi bada gussa aata hai. Vo Chunnu ko school se nikaal deta hai.
Ab Chunnu bhatakta bhatakta diili ki sadkon main ghum raha hota hai ki Prime Minister vahan se gujarte hain aur Chunnu se poochte hain ki school time main kyon ghum raha hai. Chunnu sab bata deta hai. Sunte hi Prime Minister bhi ekdum aag babula ho jate hain aur Chunnu ko India se nikaal dete hain.
Bhichara Chunnu rota rota Sri Lanka pahuch jata hai. Vo vahan ek sadak cross kar raha hota hai ki ek car se uska accident ho jata hai.
Ab Bato ki is Story Ka Moral kya hai?
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Pahle Dayen Dekho, Phir Bayen Dekho, Phir Road Cross Karo!!!!
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ek aadmi ki 6 ungliyan (6 fingers) hoti hain... sab log use "Hanuman"
keh kar bulate hain... batao kyun??? .
.
Ans: kyounki uska naam Hanuman hai!!!!
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How to catch a Lion
Newton's Method
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is equal and opposite reaction.
Implies you caught lion.
Einstein Method
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.
Software Engineer Method
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
Indian Police Method
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion.
Rajnikanth Method
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
Ramarajan Method
Remove the make-up and put it over lion. The lionwill die notwithstanding that heavy weight.
Jayalalitha Method
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !
Manirathnam Method (director)
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.
Keep murmuring something in its ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
Karan Johar Method (director)
Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other. Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.
First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another lioness(third) into the forest.
You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont !
Yash Chopra method (director)
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.
Govinda method
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.
Menaka Gandhi method
save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.
George Bush method
Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!
Ravi Shastri method
Ask the lion to bowl at u. U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run
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Arzz hai
Do Tarah ki hoti hai "JAVA"
Wah Wah..... Wah Wah
?
?
?
?
Do Tarah ki hoti hai "JAVA" ..............
Lafjon ko samjhiye ...... Gaur kijiye
Do Tarah ki hoti hai "JAVA"..............
Bahot Khub......
?
?
?
?
Bhaijaan - Do hi Tarah ki hoti hai "JAVA" ..............
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Mar "JAVA" , Mit "JAVA"
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Whats difference between a man jumping from 1st floor and a man jumping from
10th floor?
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Former goes Dhaap AAAAAaaaaaaaaa
Later goes AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Dhaap
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Other than being fruits, what is common between an Apple and an Orange?
think......
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...........
socho socho
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...........
...........
...........
...........
the answer is ..........
They Both Are Not a Banana !!
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Q. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie 'heart is umbrella'.
Which movie did he really want to see?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Dil Chhata Hai!
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A hen and her 3 little chickens were trying to cross a busy highway.
After great efforts they all managed to cross it. One of the little ones yells out happily-
"Wow....after so much efforts, all 5 of us managed to cross"....
Q). Why does the little one say "all 5 of us" ????
Think a little bit ....... Its easy !
SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANS........
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ANS:
ARRE BACHCHE HAIN ...
KUCH BHI BOL DETE HAIN ...
unko ginti kaha aati hai …
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Q) What is the cube of 13?
A) Its : SUROOR
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Wondering How?
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That's bcoz....
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TERA * TERA * TERA = SUROOR
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Why did the girl changed her name from Shruti to Shraxis?
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Socho… kyun….. ???
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Aur thoda socho
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Ans: Because UTI bank is now Axis bank
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